


Portulaca

by FarmlandTensions



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fix-It, M/M, Minor Allura/Lance (Voltron)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-20 23:52:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17032302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FarmlandTensions/pseuds/FarmlandTensions
Summary: Lance is upset when his date with Allura doesn't go exactly as planned, but could there be someone else out there for him?--Fix-it fic of sorts that takes place over the course of Season 8 of VLD.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was intended to be a one-shot, so apologies if the chapter breaks don't feel fantastic. I've written up until episode 8 at the moment, and an ending, so I just need to fill in the blank there before I can post the whole fic and I figured I could post it in chapters to get at least some of it up today. 
> 
> This started as what I hoped would happen at the end of episode 1 and I decided to make a whole fic out of it.

Lance had built the idea of a date with Allura up in his mind a lot over the last few years. He’d fantasised about their entire future together at least a hundred times. And yet, now that they’re walking together after having dinner with his family, he still can’t quite believe she had actually said yes. She’s the princess of another planet, and had always seemed to be just beyond his grasp. But here they are, enjoying each other’s company and finally on an actual date, and it’s everything he’d hoped for.

 

And then he messes it up.

 

“I- I don’t care if this only our first date,” he stutters out, “I… Allura, I love you. I have for a long time. I wanna be your family. Earth can be your home- or anywhere you wanna go, it doesn’t matter. I would follow you across the universe.”

 

He pours his heart out to her. Lance McClain was never the kind of person to do things by halves. And yet, the second he finishes speaking, as he takes in the look of pity on her face, he knows he’s messed things up.

 

“Lance,” Allura begins, and he already knows where this is going, “I didn’t realise your feelings were so strong.”

 

He knows that if he starts speaking again it will just be another long confession, and he doesn’t think that’s what she wants to hear. So he nods instead, and she looks away sadly.

 

“I…” She hesitates a moment before continuing, “I’m sorry, Lance. I would love to be your family, I truly would. But I don’t feel the same way about you as you do about me. I apologise if I gave you the wrong impression, I didn’t know you were so serious about this.”

 

Lance swallows thickly, willing away tears that he knows want to form at the corners of his eyes.

 

“That’s… I understand, Allura. I do. We can start slow, we don’t have to rush into anything.”

 

She looks back up at him then with a sad smile.

 

“I do not think it would be fair to you if I were to enter into a relationship knowing you feel this way and I do not. You deserve someone who cares about you as strongly and as deeply as you do them, and that is not me. You deserve-” She pauses for a moment, and then looks away again, “You deserve to be someone’s first choice, Lance.”

 

She’s right, he knows she’s right. But it doesn’t stop it from hurting. And he doesn’t know that he will ever care about anyone this much again, or that anyone could ever care this much about him. He’s happy to settle for second best if it means he can be with the love of his life.

 

“I don’t need to be your first choice. I’ll just be happy to be with you.”

 

She looks back up at him, and then walks close to him and presses a hand to his cheek.

 

“Oh, Lance,” She sounds almost heartbroken herself, “You’re my friend, I could never do that to you. I want you to be happy with someone who loves you for all that you are, someone who can make you much happier than I can.”

 

He places his hand over hers, and he feels those tears starting to sting his eyes.

 

“There is no one who can make me happier than you.”

 

“I believe there is. Somewhere out there. And you’ll find them, and love them, and then you’ll be happy that you didn’t settle for me.”

 

They’re interrupted then, by Beezer approaching to take a photo, and they laugh off their seriousness and take a photo together. Something to remember the date by, even if it’s their first and last. And they part that evening on friendly terms.

 

\--

 

It doesn’t stop Lance from being mopey afterwards at the base. 

 

He slumps onto his bed still fully dressed and groans loudly into his pillow. 

 

He’s going over the whole date and everything that he said, and everything he could have said to have it not end the way it did, when he hears his door whooshing open, but doesn’t bother to look up. Whoever it is will just have to deal with him moping for now. It’s probably Hunk and he has half a mind to blame this whole fiasco on him for insisting he ask Allura out in the first place.

 

“Uh… Lance?”   
  
Lance opens his eyes, because that is definitely not Hunk’s voice. He rolls onto his side to face the door and looks up at Keith.

 

Keith looks concerned, his eyebrows drawn together as he gives Lance a quick once over, still hovering by the door with his hand on the frame. When Lance doesn’t respond, he takes a tentative step into the room and lets the door close behind him.

 

“I guess the date didn’t go so well then?”   
  
And Lance groans again, and rolls onto his back and throws his arm over his face.

 

He can hear Keith shuffling closer, and then he hears him sigh.

 

“That bad huh?”

 

Lance lets out a sigh himself, but doesn’t move from his position.

 

“It wasn’t- The date wasn’t bad. It was really nice, actually. But Allura…”

 

He trails off, but Keith is silent and waits patiently for him to continue. So he takes a deep breath and just says it.

 

“She doesn’t like me the same way I like her. So we’re just going to be… friends.”

 

Keith hums, and lance feels the edge of his bed dip down a bit.

 

“That’s a shame. Why did she go out with you if she didn’t like you like that? That doesn’t seem fair to you.”   
  
Lance huffs out a breath and finally moves his arm off his face to lay across his stomach instead as he stares up at the ceiling of his bunk.

 

“I guess… she likes me a bit, but not as much as I like her. She said I should be with someone who cares about me as much as I care about them, but…”

 

He trails off and sighs again. He was about to let his insecurities show, even though he’s usually so good at hiding them. He really must be tired.

 

“But what?”   
  
He looks up at Keith, and the expression on his face is so genuine that he decides to just go for it. It’s not like Keith will judge him for being insecure, he hasn’t before.

 

So he shrugs his shoulders and continues.

 

“I dunno, man. I just… I’m worried I won’t love anyone else as much again. And I’m worried…” He bites his lip, but decides to keep going, “I’m worried that no-one will ever care about me that way.”

 

Keith scoffs at that and Lance shoots him a glare.

 

“Are you kidding me? Lance, you care so much about everyone around you and keeping them safe and happy, I have no doubt you’ll find someone else you love just as much in the future, if not more.”   
  
“Thanks, man.”

 

“And as for someone caring about you…” Keith gives him a stern look that he can’t quite place, like he’s forgotten something important, “I can guarantee you that at least one person already does care about you that way, and there will be others who do in the future.”

 

Lance huffs a laugh at that.

 

“Yeah, right.”

Keith’s face softens a bit, though there’s still something behind his expression that’s… off, somehow.

 

“Look, you might not believe it, but you’re a really great guy, Lance. You’re loyal, and honest, and determined, and smart, and caring. You’d do anything for the people you love, and you care more about people you’ve never even met than some people do about anyone at all. You’re strong, and you always know the right thing to say to make people feel better. Any girl would be lucky to have you. And Allura’s right - you deserve someone who can love you as much as you love them. You deserve to be really happy.”

 

And the look on Keith’s face is so sincere that Lance feels a little lost for words. He find himself just staring up at him for a moment before clearing his throat.

 

“Uh, thanks, man.”

 

And that doesn’t nearly sum up how it actually makes him feel. He doesn’t think he’s ever heard so many compliments about himself in his life, never mind all in one sentence, or phrase, or whatever. And this is coming from  _ Keith _ of all people - the guy he thought of as his rival for so many years. He guesses he really did grow a lot during the years he spent with his mother in whatever weird time thing they went through. Old Keith seemed way too emotionally stunted to say any of what Lance just heard coming out of his mouth.

 

Keith smiles a little, as if he’s glad that Lance has accepted what he has to say, and Lance suddenly finds himself wondering when Keith started  _ smiling _ at him instead of frowning all the time. He can’t put a finger on when that transition happened, but he wishes he knew.

 

And all too suddenly it dawns on him that he’s just been lying here silently for way too long, and his mouth starts saying something dumb before his brain can catch up.

 

“When did you get so mature, mullet?”

 

And Keith laughs, loudly. It’s maybe the most Lance has ever seen him laugh, and he can’t help but smile as he pushes himself up on his elbows to be more level with Keith.

 

“Two years on a space whale with pretty much nothing with your thoughts will do that.”

 

Keith grins down at Lance, and then his grin becomes something softer.

 

“Besides, if I’m being honest, I think I used to kind of… push people away a bit, because of my mom, like I didn’t want to get close to someone in case they’d just leave me the way she did… And now, I guess, I know why she did it, and I know who she is and how much she cared about me and my dad, and it makes things a bit less scary. I don’t feel as worried about opening up to people, to you guys, I don’t feel like you’re going to just get rid of me when you get bored of me.”

 

And that has Lance sitting up fully, and frowning at the boy in front of him. Because suddenly things are starting to add up, and it makes his stomach feel like it’s twisting in knots.

 

“Is that why you left? Why you went to the Blade?” His voice comes out much quieter and more hoarse than he intended.

 

Keith bites his lip and looks away from Lance.

 

“That was… definitely a part of it, yeah.”

 

Lance feels his brow furrow even more, and he studies Keith’s profile for a moment as the other boy faces away from him. How could he have let him leave them, thinking that they were letting him go because they were bored of him? How did he not realise that Keith was just as insecure as he was. And he remembers his own anger and hurt and how he lashed out at Keith not too long ago, how he told him he should have stayed away, and he doesn’t even want to think about how much that must have hurt to hear. He’s been a bad friend, and yet Keith is still here sitting on his bed and comforting him after his date with Allura. 

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Keith looks back around at that, confusion clear on his features.

 

“I’m sorry I let you go. I didn’t realise you felt that way and I didn’t even ask, I just let you leave us and assumed you didn’t want to be a part of the team anymore. And I’m- I’m sorry about what I said, sorry for saying you- that you should have stayed gone, I didn’t really mean that, I just… God, I fucked up. I’m so sorry, Keith.”

 

Keith turns more to face him properly, bringing one knee up onto the bed between them.

 

“Hey, you’ve got nothing to apologise for. I made the decision to leave. And it was like you said, we had six paladins and five lions, and you guys had Shiro back - or, at least I thought you did - so you didn’t need me around.”

 

“What the fuck?” Lance is staring at him incredulously now, “Of course we still needed you around! And even if we didn’t  _ need _ you around, we still  _ wanted _ you around. I know I definitely did. We were just starting to get close and then you-”

 

And he cuts off there, because he can feel the realisation dawning on him. And Keith can obviously tell what he’s thinking because he ducks his head, looking ashamed, and averts his gaze.

 

“You… you left because we were getting close?”

 

Keith doesn’t look up.

 

“You were worried I was… going to leave you, like your mom did?”

 

Keith lets out a breath, and it sounds shaky, like this is a sore spot for him, and Lance is dumbfounded.

 

“I know it sounds stupid. Like I said, I- I’ve worked things out since then, but at the time… I just, I guess it was like a defence mechanism. Pushing you away before you could push me away. And I’m really sorry I did it. I regretted it, like, instantly.”

 

Lance isn’t sure how to take this news. He can’t exactly blame Keith for thinking he’d push him away, not really. He was kind of a dick to him back then, and even if they were getting closer there was no way for Keith to know he wouldn’t go back to acting like he hated him. He doesn’t really know how to respond.

 

“Anyway,” Keith begins after Lance has done nothing but stare at him for a solid minute, and finally looks back up at him, “We’ve gotten off topic here. The point is, you’re a great guy, Lance. And it’s a shame that Allura doesn’t feel the same way about you, but you  _ will _ find someone who does. So don’t let yourself believe you don’t deserve that.”

 

And with that, Keith gives Lance’s shoulder a gentle squeeze and stands up.

 

“I’d better get going. I’ll see you in the morning.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

It’s all that Lance can manage, and he feels dumb, but Keith smiles at him brightly anyway as he leaves the room.

 

Lance lies back down on his bed.

 

It’s a lot to process. But Keith is right, he’s got to stop feeling so down in the dumps and realise that just because Allura doesn’t like him in that way doesn’t mean no-one ever will.

 

\--

 

That night, Lance’s dreams are full of soft smiles and warm laughter and “The Lance who’s got my back” and “Leave the math to Pidge” and “I cradled you in my arms” and when he wakes up the words that stick in his head are  “I can guarantee you that at least one person already does care about you that way,” and he smiles sleepily into his pillow and then jolts awake.

 

Because how did he let  _ that _ slip past him? And what does that even  _ mean _ ? Was Keith just being nice, or talking statistics, or  _ does he actually know someone who likes Lance like that??? _

 

Lance has no clue who the hell he could be talking about. One of the rebels? A Blade of Marmora? It can’t be anyone on the team - Hunk has had a thing for Shay since forever ago, and Pidge is like his little sister, and Shiro is practically an extra dad, and Allura… well, he knows how she feels.

 

So what was Keith talking about?


	2. Chapter 2

It’s early. Much earlier than he needs to be up, but he suspects the others are all up already anyway. It’s their last morning on earth for a long time - maybe forever, if things don’t go well - and everyone will be trying to make the most of it. He’s pretty sure if he went out looking for the black lion right now, he’d find Keith watching the sun rise just as he had watched it set the day before. 

 

He doesn’t go looking for Keith.

 

He doesn’t go to his family either. He had dinner with them yesterday and will be seeing them again just before the launch, and he’s a little afraid that if he spends too much time with them he won’t want to leave. It’s a stupid thought, because he knows that seeing them just makes him want to help even more and do everything he can to prevent any harm from coming to this planet again.

 

Instead, he finds himself in the small kitchen nearest the rooms set aside for the paladins. He doesn’t want to go to the larger cafeteria right now, and he’s sure Hunk has left something he can work with for breakfast.

 

When he steps inside, he finds Hunk already in there cooking.

 

“Good morning.”

 

Hunk glances over his shoulder at him.

 

“Morning, Lance!”

  
  
Hunk pulls the pan he’s using off the burner and turns around fully, his cheery grin becoming sly.

 

“Did you have a good time with Allura last night?”

 

Lance’s stomach turns, and he brings a hand up to rub the back of his neck.

 

“I guess, yeah. It was a good night. But uh, we’re not- we’re not gonna be a thing or anything. She doesn’t, um… She doesn’t like me like that after all.”

 

Hunk’s face falls.

 

“Aw, man! I’m sorry dude, here I am rubbing it in your face _again_.”

 

“No, no, it’s alright! Really.”

 

Hunk looks dubious, and then he marches over and scoops Lance up in a bear hug.

 

“It’ll be alright, man. You’ll find someone else.”

 

And that lights up the part of Lance’s brain that’s been quietly repeating Keith’s words from last night ever since he woke up.

 

“Uh, about that…”

 

Hunk drops him and steps back, hands on Lance’s shoulders as he lifts an eyebrow and stares right at him.

 

“You’ve moved on _already?_ ”

 

Lance waves his hands in front of him.

 

“No no no! I just uh… I wanted to ask you about something.”

 

His eyebrow lowers and he gives Lance a suspicious look.

 

Lance clears his throat.

 

“I uh- I just. Keith said something to me last night and I was wondering if uh- if you knew what he might have meant…”

 

Hunks eyebrow is raising again now, clearly skeptical about whatever Lance is about to say because Lance just had to ask that in the weirdest way possible, apparently.

 

“What did he say?”

 

“He uh… He said that he could _guarantee_ that someone already felt the same way about me as I feel about Allura.”

 

Hunk lets out a laugh at that and takes his hands off Lance’s shoulders, giving one of them a clap before he turns around and heads back towards his cooking.

 

“Of course he did!”

 

Lance just stands there, stunned. And pretty baffled. Because what the heck does _that_ mean? Is everyone in on some joke he doesn’t know about?

 

“What do you mean?”  
  
Hunk looks over his shoulder again, still laughing, but whatever he sees in Lance’s expression must tell him that he’s being serious because the smile drops from his face.

 

“Holy shit dude, you really don’t know?”

  
  
“Know _what?_ ”

 

And Lance is getting exasperated now, because whatever this is obviously has _something_ to do with him, and if Keith and Hunk both know about it then why doesn’t he?

 

Hunk turns around fully again, and looks a little panicked, wringing his hands together.

 

“Oh man. I don’t think it’s really my place to say if you don’t know. I was so sure you knew, dude! I mean, it was so obvious. But then again, you’re straight as a knife so maybe you just really didn’t notice. Holy shit.”  


“Hunk, what the fuck? Just tell me!”

 

And Hunk breaks. Lance knew he would because Hunk cannot keep a secret for the life of him. He is a gossip machine.

 

“Keith, man!” Lance’s world stops. “Did you never notice the way he looks at you? Or how he always looks like a kicked puppy whenever you flirt with Allura? I always thought you knew.”

 

His brain just shuts down. Because there is no way _Keith_ likes him, not like that. No way he felt the same way about him that Lance felt about Allura. He would have noticed. He would have seen some kind of sign if-

 

And he feels like a bucket of ice water is pouring over his head, maybe in slow motion. And he remembers wondering when Keith’s smiles became so soft, he remembers appreciating how much effort Keith puts into helping him when he needs it, he remembers the compliments from last night and assurances before his date and even awkward comforting before Keith got better at being a leader. He remembers how upset Keith was when he said he didn’t remember their “bonding moment”, he remembers Keith nearly getting stabbed by one of Lotor’s generals while he was shooting Lance a soft smile for having his back, he remembers how sure Keith was that someone could love Lance the way he loves Allura. He remembers Keith leaving Voltron because he was afraid of getting close to Lance.

 

And he forgets how to breathe.

 

When he drifts back to reality, he realises he’s shaking a little and Hunk is looking concerned.

 

“No way. He- there’s no way he- Keith can’t- He doesn’t-”

 

And Hunk is at his side, putting a hand on his shoulder and trying to calm him down.

 

“Woah, woah! It’s okay, it’s not a big deal! I mean, he knows you’re straight, dude, it’s not like he expects anything.”

 

And that is… not as reassuring as he thinks it is. Because Lance isn’t sure he _is_ straight, and he’s also not sure that he doesn’t want anything to happen here. It’s just not something he’d ever even considered as a possibility. He’s been so hung up on Allura, he hasn’t thought about anyone else that way in a long time. But Keith… Keith has always been someone that his focus just automatically hones in on. And yet, he hadn’t seen this coming at all. And he definitely has never thought about whether or not he could _like_ Keith, and he’s not sure this is the right time to start - He was just rejected by Allura yesterday, and they’re going off to try to end an intergalactic space war in just a couple of hours. It’s all a bit too much for him.

 

“Yeah, cool. Okay. I just uh- it’s a bit of a surprise I guess.”

 

Hunk doesn’t look too sure, but he accepts it anyway and goes back to cooking.

 

He cooks some breakfast for the both of them, and Lance acts like he’s not having a crisis while they eat.

 

\--

 

It’s about an hour later when he turns a corner in the hallways and finds Keith and Shiro talking, and Keith turns to face him when he spots him and his smile goes _so soft_ and Lance doesn’t know what to do with himself because he still can’t pinpoint when exactly Keith started looking at him Like That.

 

_“Did you never notice the way he looks at you?”_

 

No, he didn’t. Not really. And yet when he sees Keith smiling at him softly, he knows it’s not the first time he’s looked at him that way. It’s far from the first time. And he can remember every one of them. And yet somehow he never even considered what that _meant_.

 

“Lance!”

  
  
And Keith is walking towards him, and he feels his face heat up as he realises he’s just been standing there staring at him.

 

“How are you feeling?”

 

It’s so gentle. It’s so caring. And the look in his eyes is so fond. And Lance doesn’t know what he’s feeling, or what he’s supposed to feel, and everything still feels too much. And he thinks about Keith, loving him the way he loves Allura, and thinking that he’s straight, and pushing him away but ultimately coming back and being there for him and supporting him even when he _went to him for advice about a date with someone else_. And he feels impossibly guilty and humbled and grateful all at the same time.

 

If Allura had come to him for advice about a date with Lotor- he would have been crushed. He knows exactly how heartbreaking that would be. And he did that to Keith and yet here he is, the very next day, nothing but fondness as he checks on how Lance is feeling.

 

“Um. Good. I’m good. How- how are you?”

 

Keith is nodding.

 

“Good.”

 

They stand there in silence for a minute before Keith speaks again, and Lance wonders when exactly he forgot how to speak around Keith and how quickly he can get over that because he kind of needs to be able to speak to him.

 

“Are you ready for the launch?”

 

“Yeah, uh- As ready as I’m gonna be, I guess.”

 

Keith just nods again, and then he and Shiro are heading off and Lance is just standing in the corridor like an idiot.

 

\--

 

The launch isn’t much longer after that.

 

As they stand in front of the crowds that have gathered, he’s buzzing with nerves but confident that this is what needs to be done and this is what they’re going to do.

 

He feels a swell of pride, and a little bit of affection, as he listens to Keith addressing the crowd. The old Keith would never have been able to stand up here looking so dignified and speaking so calmly and confidently as a leader. He’s really grown a lot in the last while. He sounds almost as sure and authoritative as Shiro does when he delivers his part of their speech. And Lance is happy he’s seen him grow like this.

 

The next few days are filled with travelling to different planets and galra bases to try to expand the reach of the coalition. It’s mostly business as usual until they’re trapped in a wrecked galra ship with some huge galra-hunting monster, and Lance feels like he narrowly dodged a bullet when the monster bypasses him entirely, but once they’ve got more information and he knows it specifically targets galra only, he wants to scream and ask why no-one is worried about the fact that _Keith is half-galra_.

 

And Lahn is blaming Keith for this, accusing him of _wanting_ this and Lance is _so mad_ because Keith is in real danger right now and no-one seems to care.

The thing shows up and they just barely make it out the door, but Keith _doesn’t_ and Lance isn’t sure he’s ever been so scared. He’s desperately trying to get the door open or blast a hole through it and he can hear sounds inside and he doesn’t know if Keith is still alive and he can’t just _die_ like this - he can’t. Not when Lance doesn’t even know how he feels about this whole thing. Not when Keith doesn’t even know he _knows_. In fact - not ever, if Lance has anything to say about it.

 

But they get out, and they’re safe, and it should be a relief but it’s not really.

 

They get Lahn and his base to join the coalition, but it doesn’t really feel like a win.

 

He hasn’t had time to really think about the whole Keith thing, not when they had to leave just hours after he found out and they’ve been working tirelessly since. It’s important to him, it really is, and he feels like he needs to really dedicate some time to thinking about it thoroughly, to figuring out how he feels about it and if there’s any possiblity he could return Keith’s feelings. But this whole mess has him worrying that he’ll never get a _chance_ to think about it, never get a chance to talk it out with Keith. And what if he does get time to think about it but it’s too late because Keith is _gone_? What then?

  
This is exactly why he’d had to ask Allura out when he did - he knew there was a chance they wouldn’t have another opportunity. He didn’t expect to find out someone else liked him with even less time to do anything about it, no time to even process it.

 

And everything’s a mess now, because right after they finish their diplomacy with Lahn, they’re out looking for Honerva’s Altean mechs, and they find Olkarion desolate and dead and in the path of a weblum. And right after _that_ , they have to deal with being stuck on a planet with poison air with no suits and Zethrid out to kill them - _especially_ out to kill Keith, and is _everyone_ trying to kill Keith before he has a chance to think about this? Really?

 

And then there’s fighting, and fighting, and more fighting. Just endless battle after battle with no break.

 

Until Clear Day.


End file.
